I got good at being grateful to people that helped me in my journey, in person or indirectly. I had some success at being grateful for everyone else too – random people I encounter or even pass by on the course of my days. And I can easily (most of the times) accept and enjoy all the events that caused me to be where I am right now, even the most negative ones.

But I think I haven’t really stopped and tried to be grateful for the person that is actually initiated all of it – myself. And, oh man, how we all need to do it from time to time.

Even though lately I was more ok with the idea that I deserve to be seen, that I am enough, I was still afraid to be arrogant, to put the spotlight on me.

That is why I’m so grateful to my coach, Andy, who gave me this task today.

Task to take a step back and find something good in myself. These little things I did to make the world slightly better. The things that I can look upon and say – “Good job dude, I’m glad that you exist out there”

Most of them probably didn’t happen today, some will be a couple of years back. But with how memory usually works, it should be more-or-less chronological.

Ok, I’m gonna stop rambling and procrastinating now. Let’s do it:

1. I started writing this article, which probably can help someone
2. I expressed my eternal gratitude to Andy – the person who changed my life the most – on the call today
3. I said “have a great day” to the administrator in my health center
4. I helped my best friend pay her bills and have a place to live
5. I wrote a letter of gratitude to my first girlfriend
6. I went out to take photos and hangout with a guy I met
7. I advised my parents on life and work
8. I praised the art pieces of the guy who does Photoshop edits alongside my 365-project
9. I nicely refused to watch the video girl sent me
10. I helped coworker at my first job to learn the basics
11. I worked overtime and helped my boss
12. I smiled to people I was passing on the street
13. I graciously let go the girl I was seeing when she stopped liking our meetings
14. I paid attention, caressed and hugged a woman from cuddle party and made her day better
15. I said to girls on the street how cute they are
16. I helped my friend when she was feeling bad, and been there for her
17. I helped with spotting guy at the gym
18. I was understanding and explained what she wanted with a girl I saw, even while receiving judgement
19. I helped my friend move out and back in the house
20. I was grateful back and spent half an hour writing a review for tavern in Armenia
21. I helped my university peers with their exams

Wait… It takes too long somehow, that is all I could come up in an hour. Am I trying to come up only with different things I did to different people?

Why?

Why am I being so hard on myself? Is helping or even being nice to the same person multiple times is not good enough? Is doing the same nice thing to different people almost not counts?
Do I always look at what I do that critically? Do not acknowledge what I am actually contributing? Devaluing it?

Saying thanks and smiling to 10 people today counts as only one, or even none, because I did it in my life already?

Man, all nice things matter. Even a simple smile contributes to the world. You don’t need to go out of your way to have a place in the world. It is enough to be just a nice human being, most of the time.

I’m gonna continue with this in mind, focusing on random recent events, which are unique but can be similar:

22. I tipped my barber
23. I held the door open for the neighbour
24. I helped Andy by paying for the coaching
25. I hugged the girl I’m seeing
26. I told a funny story to coworkers on a call
27. I said how grateful I am to the girl I’m seeing
28. I wrote my praise to guy in a group
29. I expressed thanks to the people giving advice in the group
30. I was nice and said thanks to cashier
31. I smiled to administrator at the gym
32. I praised the cook at the food event
33. I paused writing this list, contacted my friend and will be helping her with gratefulness daily starting today
34. I wrote thanks to guy in the forum
35. I helped out my boss overtime with the task she urgently needed
36. I smiled and tipped the waiter at the cafe
37. I started this website, and learning to write articles, hoping that it will improve someone’s life one day
38. I was nice to the clerk in the store
39. I gave way to a person passing me by
40. I looked in eyes and smiled to guy on the street today
41. I was completely honest with the girl I’m seeing
42. I am improving myself so I can have more to give to people, to share what I’ve learned
43. I am concerned about my possible arrogance and my skills, because I don’t want to hurt someone
44. I talked with the random girl in the park for 10 minutes, exchanging stories, laughing and made her day better
45. I try hard to speak on local language – Serbian – with people, even though I don’t know it well.
46. I learn to be more present in conversation so the people I’m talking with would feel more valued
47. I am getting more dating and sexual experience, so the girls I’m with would have a better time
48. I learn to be stoic and positively thinking to improve my life, and to share that with people I come in contact with
49. I try to be as honest as I can, for myself and others
50. I was sitting down struggling to write this list for 4 hours straight, to know that I am adding to the world. To know that I actually care.

And I think I do care.

It was really hard. I had to really give myself permission to suck in the moment to write the last ones. They didn’t feel even close enough. It is harder to give myself credit not for what I did, but what I’m trying to do, for intentions.

Now, looking back, these last ones were the most important. Actions prove that I am not sitting around just talking, but intentions are my internal compass.

I am not special. I am just a simple human being. I am not doing extraordinary things to help others most of the time. And maybe I don’t have that many people around me usually.

But for some reason I am holding mirror to myself too high. Like most of us usually do, I believe.

I would be happy to see some guy or gal just go through their life being nice and considerate to people. I would be grateful to the for just showing a basic human respect. And even if not, I would try to understand and wouldn’t judge. But I needed to do something crazy, something unique, be better than others to even consider myself the decent human being?

That was arrogant of me.

51. I went to the mirror, and expressed gratitude, support and admiration for one more person.
    The person who deeply wants to make the world at least slightly better. Who really tries, going through all of his struggles and facing all his fears to improve himself and share his journey. Who hopes his story will inspire someone to live a happier life.
    Who is allowed to be happy himself too.
    Who is already enough.